


Kittens, Neighbors, and Car Alarms

by 8bitalpha



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Kittens, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 10:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4133484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8bitalpha/pseuds/8bitalpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Washington cares about his sleeping habits almost as much as he cares about his cats or avoiding interaction with other human beings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kittens, Neighbors, and Car Alarms

Clockwork. That is the only way Wash could describe the infuriating fact that his neighbor’s car alarm went off every. Single. Morning.

Clockwork.

And, like clockwork, the alarm started again. The utterly rage-inducing honking started up and he balled his fists tightly enough to crack his knuckles.

“Just keep it together, Wash, it’ll end in a moment. Just ignore it and it’ll go off on its own.”

The same phrase he told himself every night.  _It’ll go off on its own._. It  _never_ went off on its own, and Wash always had to go wake up his neighbor and tell him to shut the fucking car alarm off.

He eventually sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting up and trudging to the door. “This is it. I have to kill him,” He growled bitterly, ripping the door open and starting down the hall.

***

“ _Tucker_ ,” he groaned, banging on the man’s door with what small amount of force he could muster in his groggy stupor.

“What? What the fuck do you want? It’s too early for this shit!” Tucker shouted from inside and the door flew open to reveal a disheveled looking neighbor in his underwear, scowling at the blond in front of him.

“I should say the same,” Wash snapped with a blank expression. “Your car is going off again.”

“Well cry me a fucking river, little miss ‘I was in a war! I killed people! I need sleep!’. Get some headphones or something, dude. Stop waking me up at three in the fuckin’ morning.” Tucker retorted, going to close the door.

Wash gritted his teeth and pushed the door open again, glaring at the smaller man. “ _You_  are the one waking  _me._  It’s  _your_  car that wakes me up. Shut it off for tonight and fix it tomorrow. You do  _not_  want me to have to come back here.” He threatened, leaning in a little.

Tucker scoffed and nodded, shoving him back. “Yeah, okay, Wash. Whatever you say. You’ll kill me because there’s a fucking cat giving birth in my car or something and setting it off. It’s not something I can control, jackass. Go back to bed.” He said in a final tone and slammed the door, leaving Wash in the hall.

“Maybe I fucking will,” He mumbled awkwardly, shuffling back to his apartment and only half attempting to keep his cats from escaping. “Get back, shithead. You can’t go out,"  He groaned, picking up the tabby and carrying him back into the house.

His eyes were drooping shut again when he crawled back into bed, an hour of sleep wasted arguing with Tucker over a car alarm and petting cats.  _What if Tucker wasn’t bullshitting and there really are cats in his car? Holy shit. Kittens. More kittens. I need them._

***

Wash had nearly forgotten about the extremely low possibility of there actually being cats in his neighbor’s car by the time he woke up again in the morning. But come one, who could  _forget_  the fact that there could be the slight chance that there are  _kittens_  in a  _car_? Who forgets that?  ** _Kittens._**

Wash purposely ran in to Tucker on his way out the door that morning because of that. 

"You’re leaving early, mister–” Tucker started and Wash raised a hand to cut him off.

“Yes, I know. Have you been to your car yet?” He asked quickly and Tucker looked stunned for a second.

“…Why are you asking?”

“Reasons. Have you?”

“No…I haven’t. Now please get out of my way.” Tucker ordered, shouldering Wash to the side.

_You are a fucking idiot, Washington. There is a reason why you were considered the squad’s worst fighter. Thanks, York._

His internal ramblings were cut short when a yelp and a groan came from Tucker. “Ah, fuckberries.”

***

Wash sat cross-legged on the floor of his apartment, staring into the box filled with kittens. Tucker sighed behind him and cracked his knuckles before growling, “You’re not keeping them.”

“I’m not. We are.” Wash retorted quietly, picking up a tiny calico.

“There is no 'we’, here. You wanted the cats.”

“But they were born in your car.”

“I really fucking hate you.”

“And I hate your car. We’re stuck together and adopting these innocent children. Case closed.”

“I am going to spit in your next meal. And it’s not going to be spit.” Tucker warned and Wash shrugged.

“Not you won’t. You’re not that stupid.”

“God you’re a tool.”


End file.
